Hidden Me

It wasn't a mirror, but me looking at you.
You resemble all those things familiar to me
reflect the world as I want to see it, quiet, undone, limitless, evolved.
You remind me of fear unprovoked, restless, creative.
You remind me of trees in an undisclosed forest, untouched, pristine, green in all its revelry.
You're the unmarked location on a map, the suspended bridge, the weathered trail
the brown, the green, the humidity, the cloudy stream.
It wasn't a mirror, but me looking at you.
You resemble me, but better, you're complete.
You resemble me, but eager, wishful, discrete.
You resemble me, the half, the piece that lets me breathe.



Pix: Notre Dame in Paris, France (2009)

Let Darkness Subside

Like crickets and fireflies
only known to the night,
my thoughts linger there.
I watch steadily for the moon to peak
to give me a sense of light, a blanket of freedom through the night.
I remember the words, those words, to keep me leveled...maintained.
I remember the kiss, those kisses, that bring your heaven
to my earth.
I mourn for the crowded days, your days, my nights,
for the distilled waves of unsalted life.
Send me a line of faith, hope
anything for this darkness to subside.
Don't want to linger in the night by day or
in any of my afterlives.
There is a river in my room that won't stop flowing.
There is a snake in my room that won't stop hissing.
There is life in a day and many deaths in a night.
Don't let me linger in your day,
live unknowingly in my night.

Three's A Crowd

“Hey Grace! Would you mind picking some up for dad?” “There isn’t enough room in the truck for this box. Where do I put these damn grocery bags?” says Grace. “Come on Grace! We have to go, it’s getting late.” “I’m coming Thornton. Turn on the radio will you.”

[music playing] Strangers in the night exchanging glances, wondering in the night, what were the chances…

“Not Frankie, please.”

[music playing] Lost in love and I don’t know much, just thinking about how I fell out of touch, now I’m back on my feet and eager to be…

“I don’t even know who’s singing. I never even heard of this song.”

[music playing] Hush little baby, don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beast under your bed…

“Now this Thornton is music. Raise that daddy up!”

[music playing] … in your closet in your head! Exit light…

“There is too much static on that station. Oh wait a minute now, hold on, I think I’m getting it.”

[music playing] Take my hand, off to never never land.

“Forget it Thornton. Let’s just turn off the radio all together.” “Make up your mind woman. We’ll be getting there soon anyway. Did you forget my Doritos? You better have not forgotten my chips. You know how I get if I don’t have my sandwich with my chips. I’m so darn hungry too.” “ We’ll eat in a minute. Lord everyone is here. They better move that car right there cuz dad ain’t gonna fit through them cars.” “Hold on for a minute. Let me just turn right here.” “Hi, Aunt Mary and Uncle Joseph. Dear Lord they’re all here. Hurry up Thornton!” “We’re here. There’s Peter over there behind that tree stump. Hey Peter! Are you and Jude going to give me a hand with dad?” “Of course Thornton,” said Peter. “Okay, you’re going to hold the top and pull. Jude and I will wait until it’s half way out and we’ll grab either side of it.” He opens and quickly slams his truck’s door. The side mirror shakes. “Ready and pull. Jude you see the side handle there? Just hold on to it until it’s completely out of the truck. Hold it steady guys. We still have to walk up the church stairs.” “We’re almost there Thornton,” said Jude. “Hello Father,” said Thornton as his dad was held down for the last time. He lay there suspended in the world of the living by chrome pre-configured fixtures. There were no formalities or social conventions to adhere to, no phone calls or excuses to listen to, just regret replaced by endless tears and empty smudges above his face. He looked at everyone through his new window, in his own space and in his own time. “Hello, son. How are you holding up?” “I’m fine considering the circumstances.” “Okay, let’s begin. Everyone please stand. The services are going to begin.” In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost…

Ode to Water

He walked in that night with dirt all over his clothes, his face and hands. He looked like he just came out of quick sand. He was hungry. He was so hungry he couldn’t eat. All he wanted was water. That was all he drank. He threw his keys on the kitchen table along with his navy blue blazer and black shoes he bought in Spain. He took off his big brown boots and left them by the kitchen door. There was always a draft by that door. He knew he could always depend on that draft for extra needed ventilation. He walked through the kitchen in his socks leaving subtle light brown powdered prints on the floor. He walked to the restroom and started to take off his clothes. He didn't know I was watching him. He never saw me at all. He began to unbuckle his black leather belt. The silver buckle gave the belt grace. It was a matted color with slight inclusions for character; the one I helped him build. He then unbuttoned his navy blue slacks and let them drop to the floor. As the slacks hit the floor, his orange light blue tie peeked out one of its side pockets. He took off his white boxer briefs and then his once white long sleeve shirt. He stayed in the shower for a very long time. It was longer than usual. After he took a shower, he decided to take a bath. Once he took a bath, we were not to disturb him under any circumstances. He left the restroom in a towel and put his clothes in the hamper. He walked to the kitchen, served himself a glass of water and went to bed. The next morning, I found him dead, lying next to the water dispenser in the kitchen wearing only his boots. There wasn’t water anywhere. There wasn’t a drop of anything in his glass.

Pix: Hvar, Croatia (2010)

Waiting for Spring

“I’m leaving soon…”

My bedroom was all I had until then. The only place safe from pain, the only place where home starts and the rest of the world sleeps. It wasn’t the way she said it; it was all of those little things that wasn’t said which made this night different from the night before. Her eyes sung to me. Her lips reached out to me with frailty and confidence all in one. Her hands spun a new web and her words, well, lets just say thunderstorms pale in comparison. A moment was all I needed to know those words were a prelude of what was to come-- cold empty nights of what ifs with the occasional summer breeze to remind me that the season will soon change. Timing had to be perfect. No lingering in any store windows for the latest fad. No stamp collecting of places and events that could one day mean something or worth anything at all. All we had were quilted moments and endless thread. I closed the bedroom window. I could feel winter was near. I took out a hammer and a couple of nails, unsure how heavy the canvas would be and I prepared the wall. Draped the wall with blue sheets and used cotton balls to simulate clouds. I hung the canvas; it hung naked on my bedroom wall. Put on a pot of coffee, sat in my living room and waited for spring.

“I’m leaving soon,” she said. Now I don’t know who to wait for, her return or mine.

My Loneliness

My loneliness has always
been yours.
Everything branded and bonded has always
been yours.
Every restraint, every nail, every blinded stare has always
been yours.
My loneliness has always been
yours.
You made my days into nights
and my nights eternal.
You tamed my laughs into smirks
and my words into coiled cords.
I no longer scream to breathe,
I breathe to feel.

Wishful Thinking

I want to live in a moment and never die,
live in a place where worlds don't collide,
live by a river where there's always change,
live in your arms, our dreams, a lover's terrain.
I want to walk in the woods, naked, untouched,
walk among the leaves, another color, unwatched,
walk with the breeze, unmoved, not rattled,
walk to the years of our life and unravel.
I want to fly without wings with you as my glide.
I want to sing in the rain and let the water multiply.
I want to be in the dark, our love is our light.
I want to swing through this world with you to my afterlife.